On Tuesday I was playing football, I jumped up for the ball and got the slightest knock in mid-air, I landed horribly on the side of my foot rather than the sole, and my ankle bent right to the side. It swelled up but it's only sprained, and when I think about how far my ankle went I feel physically sick and I wonder how on Earth it didn't just break. I was on the floor and I put my head on to my arm and almost had to bite down to stop myself from crying. The guy in charge of the football sent everyone out into the pool room but there was a few people who stayed outside the door because they were concerned and it really mattered to me how much they cared. The reason I'm saying this is because I was on crutches and it's stopped me from going out, in the past I would have loved to sit at home all day and play jka, but it's got me really moody and I realised how much I hate being stuck inside.
The other day I was playing on cod on xbox live with my best friend, we were talking and I was on my laptop while the intermission was on. I was reading these forums and I didn't concentrate on what he was saying so much, and then he was like "what are you doing? are you even listening?" and I thought what the hell am I doing?
I know that I might come across as always confident and never fazed, but sometimes it's all a bit of a show. My friends mean SO much to me and no offence but chances are I'll never see any of you in real life, so if I let a game get in the way of the most important thing in my life, then my life doesn't have much worth. So I'm going to stop posting here for good, I'm not going to say that I'll never play jka again, but I won't play it if I can avoid it, there are better things to do.
I know that that was a bit ranty/depressive (and you guys know I'm not normally like this) but I feel that I really should let go of this, it's almost as if it's holding me back. I'll check this topic for a few days and maybe even reply.
I've got a few things to say to individuals too:
Guard, thanks for the server and the forums, you're the reason siege is still played.
Sakke, thanks for introducing me to serious siege
Kera, Turkey, we got off on the wrong foot completely and we had some pretty bad arguments but I'm glad that we put it to one side and I appreciated your friendship.
Vail, Yo (probably won't read this), my best buds in siege and I'm sorry to leave you like this, don't miss me too much
we will always be the dream team!Magyk, I might as well say it as it is, I think we would clash in real life, too. I have maybe a bit of an attitude and I pretty much always say what I'm thinking. It means that I'll get into arguments with people because I think they're being petty or pedantic. I'm sorry that we had big fights and I hope there are no hard feelings.
Archi, this has absolutely nothing to do with our recent fight, I'm true to my word that I don't get worked up over things on the internet. You've left me with a memory of an absolute dick, and that's because you tried hard to get to me. But I really was just messing, I didn't mean to offend you at all and I don't hold grudges. Again, I just don't think we'd ever get on well, no one's fault really. I always like for people to think good of me but when you have such a wide range of people in terms of culture and age, everyone can't possibly think of you as a great person, and as it's the internet, people aren't as inhibited in what they can say and lines will be crossed.
I pride myself on being honest and I have to be honest to myself too.
I always thought that the siege community is very discriminating (and I still think it is, by the way), and it was really hard for a 'euro-kid' to get involved, but when I did get involved it was great. So thanks for the memories and goodbye!
